I went down in a burning ring of fire...
So after I watched movies and did all I wanted to do yesturday I sat myself down and thought about what a total fool I've been acting like for the past month or so. Saturday came rushing back at me like a storm struck sea and once again I was a moron. Really in normal life I am cool, calm, and collected at all times. I've been really hard on myself for my actions and out of character behavior and I thought it was time to seriously figure stuff out so I can rectify the problem. Then it hit me..never in my life have I been interested in someone and not been liked back. It takes a lot for me to even be interested in the first place. I think I am one of the pickiest people out there when it comes to dating. Not looks neccessarily but an individual has to exude intelligence and confidence above all else. I do have to be attracted to them of course. I think I'm just a girl who knows exactly what she wants but never have I not gotten it!!! Perhaps I've been spoiled but I realized that I've never really had to deal very much with rejection. I've always been the dumper in every relationship....NOW I suppose I'm getting a taste of what it feels like. I'm clearly not handeling it well. So I guess I don't have to get over him...I need to get over myself!!!! Now that I've admitted to the root of the problem it will be much easier to overcome. A small part of me can't help but want to be with him but I guess you always want something more when you know you can't have it right? But should he want to call me and see me again.........no no no put the past to rest Shelly.
Onto happier things like my kids!!!!!! My kids love music almost as much as I do and I've gotten a pretty good sense of what they will enjoy and what they won't. I introduced them to Kung Foo Fighting today and they told me right away it was our song for graduation next year! I thought I'd play some more Village People for them as well and they were overjoyed! The Name Game was also a big hit because we always sing it but never actually had the song so I thought it was time. I love those guys so much I hope the class stays intact until they graduate. Let's look at some new photos of them from last week because really..they are soooooooo cute!!!!
Well that's it for today...but I just have to say this, I hate the freaking yellow dust!!!!!!!! xoxox
3 Comments:
Hey Shell :-)
I'm just filling in time because the good folks at Zanyspace are having a bit of a problem with servers at the moment, which of course means my blog's down, so I thought seeing I can't write in mine I'd write in yours..lol..
Looks like you had a ball on saturday night and it's awesome to hear you got a new pooter! Love the new self portrait too, you go girl! :-)
By the way, interesting post - I felt the same way you do now back in 1995, when my saturday night party request show at the same station was in full swing and I ended up being this cute gal's tech/audio guy for their show on sunday afternoons. I guess I just fell into it because before my show, there was a half hour rock program which I produced and was pre-recorded a few weeks ahead, and on sundays I would go up there to swap the tapes - take out the one just played, and put the next edition in the log sheets. I'd seen this person around the place and I thought "god she's cute" but never did anything about it (I was a shy guy back then!). Anyway we by chance ran into each other on the day I was swapping tapes and found her getting her show ready (a few weeks later I got the tech/audio job for her show). I was just about to go home one sunday and said bye to her and all, when out of the blue she drags me aside and locks me in this incredible kiss! I still remember it too..lol..then things starting getting a little serious. It was clear from the conversations we were having we really liked each other and we did the whole bit - went to parties, movies, dinners etc, and she was so happy when her birthday came around and I did the works for her. Pretty groovy stuff. Then it all came crashing down not even 12 months later. We went to her place because she needed a really long talk. She decided, out of the blue, that perhaps seeing each other wasn't a good idea. It wasn't until later that I realised she was just a really lonely person. I found out she moved away and got married, and now has a kid - found out this glorious news from a mutual friend of ours. I was absolutely freakin' shattered. It took me a long time to get over too. So I guess she was trying to say she liked me but not enough to go further ahead - and that took a whole year? Why didn't she tell me a few months in or something? *sigh*...
Anyway there's my experience - believe me I know how you feel. I've been there.
*whew* god that's a long comment hey :-)
Hey Frankster..sorry to hear your blog is down I hate when that happens. I can't say my situation is as bad as yours...um 4 dates don't even come close to a year. I think it was just the fact that we had A LOT in common and liked several of the same things and it just seemed really natural and comfortable...however I met him like 1 week after he broke up with someone he was involved with for a long time..and wasn't ready for a relationship..and I'm a relationship kinda girl...I like monogamy and all the wonderful things that go with them...so it was timing I suppose but it still bugs the crap out of me..I was dealing with it all and then when I saw him Saturday everything just came back I guess...and the fact he was smokin hot that night didn't help at all..Anyway..I'll get over it..thanks for the sympathy :) take care of you...I had the perfect guy in my life and it all fell apart in September..I don't know if I'll find anyone as special and great as he was...maybe I should just stop thinking of boys!!! :)
Y'all need to get into casual sex. It's where it's at, man. Free love!
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